Wherever there is sun and warmth, a simple, flavorful, eclectic ambiance, where there is a direct possibility to feel free and unattached.

I don't want what you want. I don't know why. I don't want a house, a car payment, a 9-5 job everyday. I don't know if I can ever see myself wanting that, needing that. Sometimes I think, maybe I should just give up. Find someone, just live in Georgia, just forget about it all and join all my friends in this life. Maybe one day it won't feel like giving up, maybe one day I will want to get married and have my parents over for dinner and not imagine myself crying in the bathroom in dispair. Maybe.. Until then, I can't apoligize for not wanting to go on dates, for not wanting to get married, for not wanting to stay settled. How do you go forward when everything you want is the complete opposite of everything you're SUPPOSED to want?

Well. What do I want then? I want a stable job but one that I can do anywhere. I don't want to work everyday and while I want to be able to afford a nice life style, I would choose to live in the jungle or Africa, in huts saving the world, helping the planet, being part of something REAL.

I need to FOCUS on what I really want. Lying to myself, forcing myself to do a job I dislike, go to school for a pharmacy career that I don't see myself in, for schooling that will put me in debt. Is that worth it? Will that make me happy? Will that set me free? Why do I feel I need to go through all of the schooling and anxiety and stressed just to quit and vagabond after I am through? I will not be able to with that debt but I need a stable career. But why do I feel I need a stable path in life? I am torn in every emotion, day to day and each day I only end up disappointed, anxious, and confused. So if this plan isn't going well then I need to stand up to myself for WHO I REALLY AM. WHAT I REALLY WANT. Take a deep breath, make a plan, and set myself free. I am just scared to death of being half happy and being OK with that. I want to be all the way, sky is the limit, I have experienced and done and enjoyed everything because I only have one life kind of happy.

I believe that what you project to the universe is what you are going to get back. But what am I doing wrong then? I KNOW. I KNOW! I am not doing what I WANT, what makes me HAPPY, what makes me THRIVE. That is why I am getting nothing back from the universe. The universe is literly screaming in my FACE. It is not suppossed to be this hard, this energy draining, this unhealthy. I am getting back what I should be getting back. A bit of pain and struggle will teach me another important lesson. And if I fail, so what? I have no time to be afraid of failure as that would stop my personal growth. I want to be STRONG, CONFIDENT, EXPERIENCED, STABLE, GENUINE, INDEPENDENT. I want to never compromise my core values even if they are not the same as yours. They are MINE. My life is my life, my beliefs my beliefs, even if I don't have them all straight yet. But NO ONE can change them except for me. Sometimes i think when i dated when i was young I was so impressionable and I never want to subject myself to that again. But I also have to test my own ability to stay true to myself. I want to know myself completely and learn what I really want. I have begun to know myself so well lately and I don't think I ever could have done that being with someone.

In my life I have learned a thousand ways how not to do something, i have learned what I DO NOT like, what I DO NOT want to do. But that is growth and I 100% know that those choices are not for me. Being broke right now is a learning experience that I will grow from. I will succeed from this. I have enjoyed and indulged in what ever possible as long as I will learn from it. I will always travel when given the possibility because it gives me SO MUCH. I want to see and know the world. I want to understand others views and find my own in the process. I always am striving to learn something new. I see my journeys around the world as an opportunity to grab the best of what I find so that I could construct my own life where I truthfully felt in peace, happiness and harmony. It probably comes from being a lost little girl without a guidence in the world. Guilable from the beginning, unsure of love and trust, and not a bad thought in my brain. Where does that get me now? It makes me work for being a strong, confident, established, stable woman. I know if I had wanted to just find a husband, have a job, stay settled I would not be going though as much I as have in my life. I would have been that same happy go llucky girl. But that is not who I am or what I want out of life.

These struggles have taught me SO. MUCH. These dreams have made me strive, work for goals, get up and see the world. And through it all. Through the giving up, through the questioning, through the misery - I still hope and pray and work for the day that it will all make sense. The day that I will get from the world what I have put in it. My heart, my body, my soul are not ready, then I am not ready. But I work everyday to be that woman. Sometimes it takes the dark to see the light. I must remember that I want to strive for more. For better. To get to my highest potential for happiness and personal growth. I WANT THIS. I am the master of my life and I will not change to fit your ideals.